Disillusionment
by hollowbastiongrl
Summary: This takes place between Fred's death and Connor's reappearance, and is about Wesley and Illyria and how they each are coping-Wesley with the Fred's death and Illyria with being in this world. Will only be a few chapters, I hope you like it.
1. Wesley POV

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters, they all belong to the uberly awesome Joss Whedon.

Also, I would like to ask all those who read and and review to please be nice because this is my first attempt at fan fiction.

**-Wesley POV-**

As I sat in her room, where it all happened, I glanced around all the things that were once hers. I was supposed to be packing it all up, but I found that I couldn't. My hands froze as if they were paralyzed; my throat closed up and threatened to cut off air supply. How could I help change the place where she left us for good, a place where part of her would always remain? The mirror that she brushed her hair in everyday; or the dresser that held all her clothes. Her bed, where I held her for the last time…no. I couldn't remember that. It hurt too much to think of those last moments, when she was so brave. No, I wouldn't think at all, if that was the only way to stop the pain.

I walked over to the dresser, box in hand, ready to force myself to complete the task ahead of me. I picked something at random-a scrunchie. She usually preferred to wear her hair down, but did occasionally put it up. It hadn't mattered to me; she looked beautiful either way. I put the hair band in the box and picked up the next object: a picture of her and her parents. I bitterly wondered how to explain to them what happened. How could I tell them that an ancient demon had robbed her of her body and that there was no way of getting her back? That had she left with them two years ago, or better yet never have come to L.A. at all, she would be alive and well now? That was going to be a problem. I put it to the back of my mind; I would figure it out later. I had other problems at the moment that needed attending to, like clearing this room.

I picked up her glasses, where I had set them down as she slept. This brought on another torrent of memories that I wasn't prepared to deal with. I set down the box and walked quickly from the room. I walked out into the hallway, not looking where I was going- not really caring. I just had to get away.

I collided with someone in my haste to get away. I looked up to see Angel. "Oh, hey Wes," he said, looking like he too had things on his mind. "Could you check up on how things are going with Illyria? Spike is with her in the training room. He's supposed to be testing her abilities, but as far as I can tell she's beating him up in the process. Not that I wouldn't love to watch, but I have other business to attend."

"Yes, of course," I replied hesitantly. After coming from that room, the last thing I wanted was to be near the demon that had taken the one I loved from me. But at the same time, I was irrevocably drawn to the same shell that had once had the honor of holding her soul.

My angel. My Fred.


	2. Illyria POV

Again, would like to sya that all characters and seetings belong to Joss Whedon, except for the quote Wesley says, which was written by William Shakespeare. Thank you SO much to the people who read this, and enjoy!

**-Illyria POV-**

"_The loud green one is coming_," the plants chorused. They were my eyes and ears in this firm, run by the wolf, ram, and hart. I still couldn't comprehend that. In my time, they were nothing. One step above sludge and filth, almost equal to the vampire. Now they were powerful, and had been elevated high in recent years. Inconceivable.

"So bye bye Miss American Pie, drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry," sang Lorne, entering the hallway. Noticing my presence, he stopped singing and said, "Hey, I thought you were in the training room with Spike."

"Yes, I was," I responded, and started to walk away. I had been with the white haired one. He had been atempting to test my abilities yet again, the fool. My abilities were limitless, and he had yet again been thwarted by my power.

"Now, I'm going to punch you, and you're going to tell me how that makes you feel," he said, making notes on a clipboard. Then he had put it on a chair and tensed for the fight that would inevitably follow. He lunged, and I danced out of the way, my own fist making contact with his side, sending him flying. He got up and growled, lunging again. This time I punched him twice before landing a strong kick to his chest. Fighting him, when I could win so easily, was almost endearing. But I was tiring of this game. This time when he attacked, I slowed time around him, and had walked away to hear news from the indoor gardens. At least they showed loyalty and respect to one they knew was far superior to them.

"Oi, you!" called Spike, finding me at last. "You cheated! I was winning. And where did you put my clipboard?! "

"You could never bestme at anything, Vampire, no matter how hard you try. I have wisdom milleniums old, and insight that makes your childish mind seem truly infantile."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, irritated, "Come back so we can finish testing for today."

I was about to open my mouth to tell him that his testing would be fruitless, but Wesley appeared. "Actually Spike," he murmered, in his quietly grim voice, "I'm afraid I need to borrow her for the rest of the day. She's due for other testing."

"Fine," Spike cuttingly replied, "We'll do this later. And this time, there will be no cheating, no time movement. _And you will bloody well tell me where my clipboard is!"_

I glanced pointedly back to the plants, where a corner of the clipboard was poking out of the soil. It gave me a small amount of pleasure to annoy Spike. He glared at me as he walked over to the plants to retrieve his precious token. Wesley sighed, whether from irritation or amusement, I do not know.

"Come Illyria," he muttered, walking in another direction. Lorne, who had stood by to witness what was said, shrugged and picked a strange ringing device from his pocket. He talked into it cheerfully as Wesley and I procceded down the hallways. We had passed through a few before I asked what other testing they could ask of my patience.

"Oh, there's no testing," answered Wesley, as if he been in some other dimension and forgotten his excuse for Spike. "I just thought you might enjoy a break. I am going home now; have a good night." He continued down the hallway once again, his mind lost to this world.

I stayed where I was. I had nowhere to go; I had no army to conquer with, no followers to exalt and worship me, no mewing humans to beg for their short, worthless lives…and yet I would not follow him. He was going to a place where he could quietly lose himself to drink and tortuous thoughts, mourning the girl whose body I now inhabited. I couldn't stand it; the depressing feeling that filled the space around those Fred loved, especially Wesley. Though my followers had an undying love for me, I'm sure that the fall out from my demise did not bring about this much chaos. I didn't understand any of it. How can so many people love one soul so deeply that they could never recover from it? It didn't make sense; there was no logic behind it. I had mentioned this to Wesley once, while he was grieving. He laughed, bu not from amusement. "'And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays,'" he had said. I still didn't understand, but that didn't matter. I didn't need to, I just needed to abide by it until the pain went away, as it certainly would.

I hadn't wandered long when Lorne caught up to me. "Would you find Wesley for me?" he asked. "I don't think he's left yet, and there are two parents in the lobby asking for help for their son. Apparently he was hit by a car and just got up and walked away…"


End file.
